Lukewarmness and lack of passion

*Disclaimer, there's a lot of random mumble here, so if you want to get to the point, sorry, points take time... :D

Today has been one of those i don't want to do anything day. I took another sick day. Another meaning that i am so tired and not feeling well that i wouldn't have point in sitting through the classes. And if people would ask me am i sick, well in some ways yes. I mean, i have this cough, but that's not why i am sick. I have some deficiencies and that's what makes me sick.
Did you know that the vitamin thing, you can have SO many symptoms without knowing that it's a vitamin...

Tutorial - how to lose friends and people close to you. *Sarcasm intended

So here's the sad truth. In your entire life you will lose people. I guarantee that. No i don't mind lose, as in they have to die always. No i am not writing this dramatic movie script. Although death can happen too. But i mean people leaving your life.
There are different seasons in life. And within seasons there's also different people in your life. People who step into your life. At first you wonder hmm, what is this person about. You approach cautiously as you would be investigating a bug as a kid, and you wonder is it okay to touch. Maybe you are like me and you've been hurt before....

Writing anxiety smaller

Today was just horrible. Terrible. Frustrating. Well it didn't start out like that. Well not entirely. Wait, let me rewind and start from the morning.
I wake up to the sound of my alarm, as i write this i can't even recall what my alarm sound is. Some things just become so routine that we forget them. Well maybe it's just me. But waking to my alarm i felt terrible. Not sure why, but waking up feels awful lately. And by lately i mean... emm 2-3 months or so? Can't even tell anymore. Sometimes i lose track of time how long i've had some things. So i try waking up, moaning about another day...


For recent weeks, no, i think more like months, i have felt like i have been attacked. Not that someone had attacked me, no-no! But that me as a person have been under attack. Not by people, but by problems. See i've been sick. I can't tell you i have been VERY sick, because you might assume then that i have cancer or something. Which i don't. Not that i know of at least (sorry for my morbid humour here). Anyway, my health has been rather strange. And as a soul, spiritual being as we are as humans, it's rather annoying to be in a non-functional body. I feel the terrible need to fix it. To...

Expressing your inner most thoughts

I can tell you this is not easy. In no way what is going on in my head is easy. I don't say this to get pity, or even sympathy. No, i say that because it's true.

I woke up today at 2:45. Yes, in the middle of the night. Sweating. It is odd. I know. I looked at my phone to check the time. And thought to try sleeping more. I tried. For entire 15-20 minutes. While that time passed my mind was racing. I remembered an odd dream before i woke up about a pencil case and how it was so perfect. Random, i know. I also thought how i am so sick of being so sick. I thought about writing this and so now...