Well been a while again since i've written. Today i sit in public area in the college because i moved. I had to move out of my room since they are renovating. I know people say that "oh wow, how wonderful", but what i see is that i need to get out of my routine. I am very stuck with my routine and it's rather challenging to be pushed out of that. I moved to another building. But the thing is that there's no wifi there. It makes me feel isolated. I mean i am so used to being connected with Peter and with my friends, so living without it, is rather..ermm, on edge. Yes, i feel being on edge. But then i spend more time being around the school building and just go there to sleep or something. I still wake up early, a bit earlier, because i need to pack a bag and come to the main building. But still have morning video calls with Peter when he is available. And sometimes in the evenings too.
My moving wasn't as bad as i imagined. I thought it would take longer. But i guess i am just very efficient and i had less stuff than i anticipated. So it took me about 2h to pack things together. And about the same amount to carry things out of my room and to two locations: one where we keep things we won't need in two weeks or can do without and the other in the guesthouse where i am staying. I had some help from friends too. Which was wonderful because carrying boxes on my own would've been rather hurtful to my back.
First night in the guesthouse was challenging. I kept waking up to myself. Meaning my bed makes squeaky sound every single time i move. And i toss and turn a lot. I am rather restless sleeper. In the morning waking up, there was a moment of confusion trying to find my phone. But I pray that God would give me peace in these challenging times. It does sound more dramatic to you maybe than it is, but for a person who has depression and anxiety, it's rather hard. Even small things comfort me. Like waking up and going to get coffee. But now i need to, for two weeks or so, get dressed, brush my teeth, get my boots and coat on and get to the main building with everything i need for the day and then get coffee. Even that small difference, it makes a big impact on me. Or things like, being able to go to my room during breaks, to get a moment alone (crowds are sometimes a bit scary), now well... i just find other places. Even if it's a toilet. But again, different things that make me more anxious.
Due to that, i asked if i could have a bit more breathing room for two weeks, while i am more anxious with this different situations and all. Meaning taking my electives off for two weeks. Gives me a bit more freedom and mental break and it is much needed.
I don't have much else to write right now. I still go to therapy, and it has made huge impact on me already! In my last post i asked people to support me and some of you did! I am so blessed, thank you so much! I know people think i am asking much, but if you can even send me 5euros/dollars or whatever, then many people sending little amount is also super appreciated! So i welcome and thank those who send me even small amounts! You make a difference! Thank you!
Tomorrow is another doctors appointment, AND therapist appointment. Will see what happens. Doc said i might get medicine for my anxiety, might. Will see tomorrow. Little bit scared of it, as i've been on AD (antidepressants) before and they didn't do much good. But i am willing to give it a try, because life is rather overwhelming and disturbs my daily life more than i write here or share here. But those close to me, know what i mean.
There's 28!!! days until my darling is with me again! Guess who is super excited!? :) And we started my visa application, but they ask quite a lot of information, so need to ask around a bit before i can continue.
Until next time, be blessed!