emotions

Life when you trust God

Most of my Christian life people have told me that "Mirjam, you are so brave to do this!" But I've personally never seen it like that.

It's been a little over a week and we have moved to Estonia, my homeland. Our new home. It wasn't an easy decision, but it was what we felt God was calling us to do. And that is the only way I have wanted to live my life, even before meeting Peter. Now, as we are together, I am blessed that I have a husband who follows God with me. Even when that means let's move to the entirely opposite side of this Earth and make that our new home. Even when we don't know...

7 - 27 - 14 % - 68. Read to understand what numbers mean.

7.

For about the last 7 days, i have been mentally really in a bad place. I have blogged previously about anxiety and such. Well this last week has been way worse than every before. My anxiety got to a point where i almost daily cried. Where fear and tension was my daily companion. One day also had a panic attack. That moment when your fears and worries take over your mind and you start crying and crying turns into some sort of breathing weirdness. Not entirely hyperventilating, but like you don't have enough air. You feel paralyzed and weak. Not that you would actually be paralyzed, but...

Growing pains

It's a rainy saturday morning, i have candles lit to comfort me, as i have just said again goodbye to my long distance love who was with me in college for a month. I am sad, yet i feel that it has been a good month. Also very very challenging and hard month. Challenging is such a christian word though. We use it often instead of saying problem, like we would be afraid of problems. So we say it's challenging, instead of trouble, or problem. Anyway, yes, it has been troubling, hard, emotional, tough, challenging, but also good, growing, developing, learning month with Peter.

Before i met...

Writing anxiety smaller

Today was just horrible. Terrible. Frustrating. Well it didn't start out like that. Well not entirely. Wait, let me rewind and start from the morning.
I wake up to the sound of my alarm, as i write this i can't even recall what my alarm sound is. Some things just become so routine that we forget them. Well maybe it's just me. But waking to my alarm i felt terrible. Not sure why, but waking up feels awful lately. And by lately i mean... emm 2-3 months or so? Can't even tell anymore. Sometimes i lose track of time how long i've had some things. So i try waking up, moaning about another day...