Systems and Routines
A lot of times i have a lot going on in my head. Recently i discovered i might have ADHD. Sadly getting diagnosed in NSW (Australia), is relatively challenging. See normal things you can go to GP and they can prescribe things for you and then send you off to therapy or something. But apparently, with ADHD there’s a whole set of rules. You need to see a special psychiatrist (or was it a psychologist?), to get diagnosed. Then they give your normal GP (general practioner also known as normal doctor) permission to prescribe medication for you. Sadly the special psychiatrist are pretty expensive. One of them quoted us 800 dollars per hour. Some are 200-300, but still. No idea where to get that money at the moment. So until we save up, that’s on hold.
But my GP was able to do a little test and he thinks that i more than likely have ADHD. Which would explain a lot that’s going on in my life.
But in other thoughts, i have randomly thought about stuff and wanted to share. Absolutely unrelated to medical talk lol. But when you have coffee (you do drink coffee right? Or tea?), do you put milk in first, or coffee first? If you have sugar, do you put sugar in with milk or after you have poured your coffee? Everyone has routines or systems for the way they do stuff. And often it’s subconscious and you don’t even think about how you are doing things. You just do it. Without any thought. I make coffee in the morning and to save some time and money, i usually make my coffee for the whole day ( i have three cups a day). I put hot water in my mug and my thermos. And wait for my drip coffee machine to finish the lovely gurgling which in the quiet morning hours sounds horribly loud. But nobody wakes up usually. Unless my older daughter is already awake. Then i pour the hot water out of my mug, pour in milk and scoop the sugars, then pour out my hot water from my thermos and pour coffee to my mug and my thermos. Just a routine thing. The way I do things. No thought needed. Just years and years of same thing that has been engraved in my mind. No effort needed to think how i need to do things.
Same way, when you think about shower, we all have our routine. Girls might also have a long shower and a short one. Long one being where they do more things (be it shaving or hair mask or whatever else). But we all have a certain way to do stuff. And then you dry yourself in a certain way. Which arm do you dry first? Do you dry your face before or after your hair? It doesn’t matter, but sometimes it’s fascinating to think about how i do stuff and wonder what systems other people have that work for them.
For example, sometimes i scroll Facebook to entertain myself and find out things i didn’t know before. Like for example, silly thing (and maybe yuck for some people to talk about), but apparently there are people who go nr 2 (poopy time), and then STAND UP! to wipe! Wait what? Yes. You heard me. (side note, nope i don’t do that). But apparently some people do. That’s what works for them. And for me it sounds absolutely silly, ridiculous and unheard of! But oh well. And for some people they don’t drink coffee at all so the previous talk about milk and sugar is unrelatable. So some people drink coffee and no sugar or milk at all. And that’s also fine.
What i want you to understand that every single person has their own preferences, systems, routines and likes and dislikes. Their own thoughts, ideas, feelings, world views. And as a mother and a homemaker, i often hear too many of them. But not in a good way. Not in way that would be curious like i am. But more criticizing. More negative way.
Example. When i say we have no TV. And we don’t do any screen time other than when we are super sick or when we need to cut nails, OR when we need to show kids something (like what sound does giraffe make, so educational things rarely), then some people feel like i am a radical weird person and find that my opinion is strange and that i am depriving kids of fun things.
When i talk to some people that we do needles for our kids when the government has required them (i am avoiding special words as sadly internet can ban you for using the proper word for protection against diseases), then some people have strong feelings about that. And they like to argue about stuff.
When i dare give kids sugar at times, be it ice cream, bite of my chocolate or whatever else, i am sure there are people who condemn me.
When i stay home and don’t work, because i want to be there for my family, help with chores, take care of my health (as i have lots of health issues), rest when i need to, some people are like “so what do you do all day”, or “why don’t you work?”…
There’s so many people and so many opinions. Like instead of making sauce from scratch i might use packet mix or a jar sauce. Because i can and because it’s convenient for us at this season. It works and my kids might just eat it.
When my kids refuse to eat dinner, i know i shouldn’t give in and offer something else, but at times i offer them fruit because i feel sad when they would go to bed with empty tummies. But i know some people would argue about that too.
What i want to tell you about all this is that have some kindness. There’s enough bad and evil in the world that we don’t need to add to it. Instead of being judgemental, pushing your agendas, your ideas. How about you find good things to say about what works for that family. Like hey if you feed your kids nuggets many times a day because you are barely surviving, you still fed your kids! Good job! If you do screen time because you are overwhelmed and need some calmness by yourself without someone asking you gazillion questions, you are still doing good! When you don’t go to a doctor and just use essential oils, do what works for you for this season! And i will do the same. And along the way, let’s encourage and support each other, instead of tearing each other down and thinking that our way is the only right way.
Most people don’t know what other people are going through. Or what they have been through. Or what they are handling or managing in their lives. It’s easy to judge. Easy to think we know better. But let’s not. How about we get more curious, listen to people’s stories. Ask what they are dealing with. And maybe also how we can help. Even if it’s just hearing them out.
Also ask me how am i doing and often Australian people say “yeah good thank how are you” and the other person also says “yeah good thanks”, but then are we really? Can we skip the niceties and get to the realness. And stop with the pleasantries? And if you aren’t ready to hear how people are, should we maybe just say helllo, or hi? Instead of how are you? And when we ask how are you, can we actually pause and take time to hear people, not just say how are you and walk past before we even hear the answer? Can we just slow down a bit in this busy world. See the people around us and make time to hear the answers. Make time to ask the questions? Even if it’s hard. And also make time to say things we always wanted to say, because none of us can guarantee tomorrow. Only God knows if there is tomorrow. Hug people you want to hug. Say you love them. Call the people you have thought about. Write that letter. Do the thing you always wanted to do.
Hope this makes you think. Or at least starts a thought process in your head. Random babblings from my head. Thanks for reading. And many blessings. Until next time.