Self-harm and anxiety

I really can't remember if i have previously shared about this. But i have a problem. I hurt myself.

When i speak of self-harm most people first think of cutting. Like you see teenagers do with razors or other sharp things. In my case that's not it. Self-harm can be anything that is hurtful to you. Be it from physical harm like cutting, burning, hair pulling, starving etc... to mental like comparing yourself to others, criticizing yourself and so on. There is so many different forms of self harm, but i want to openly share about mine.
If you think this is ridiculous and disgusting, you are...

7 - 27 - 14 % - 68. Read to understand what numbers mean.


For about the last 7 days, i have been mentally really in a bad place. I have blogged previously about anxiety and such. Well this last week has been way worse than every before. My anxiety got to a point where i almost daily cried. Where fear and tension was my daily companion. One day also had a panic attack. That moment when your fears and worries take over your mind and you start crying and crying turns into some sort of breathing weirdness. Not entirely hyperventilating, but like you don't have enough air. You feel paralyzed and weak. Not that you would actually be paralyzed, but...

Home - 34 - stuff&things - 5%

The title is rather strange, i know. But let me explain.

  1. I'll start from the 34. There's 34 days until school is over! Oh wow! I am not sure how to react, how to feel. In some ways i am surprised that OH WOW how fast this year has gone. Also how much i have grown. How much things have changed. My feelings, thoughts, my whole being, my life. Everything. Also how much i have learned, about me mostly. But also about what i believe. Mostly though about how it's so so important to firstly give yourself grace. To take time to REST! Rest is so so important. How to allow, yes allow yourself to...

Growing pains

It's a rainy saturday morning, i have candles lit to comfort me, as i have just said again goodbye to my long distance love who was with me in college for a month. I am sad, yet i feel that it has been a good month. Also very very challenging and hard month. Challenging is such a christian word though. We use it often instead of saying problem, like we would be afraid of problems. So we say it's challenging, instead of trouble, or problem. Anyway, yes, it has been troubling, hard, emotional, tough, challenging, but also good, growing, developing, learning month with Peter.

Before i met...

New meds, loads of side effects and Peter visiting!

So for the last, emm... maybe three weeks, no. Yes, more or less. Maybe four. Anyway, almost a month, i've been on new medication. It's called Sertrone, or Sertrolin. Active ingredient is serotonin. It's for my anxiety, social anxiety, small panic and stuff like that. I got diagnosed with GAD, which is general anxiety disorder. It was too hard living with it on my own and trying to cope and just deal with it, and for a long time i thought i could be strong and handle it. Like usually. But it didn't pass. And i couldn't handle myself. So i though to give meds a try.
Well sad thing is, like...