Tutorial - How to Lose Friends and People Close to You *Sarcasm Intended
So here’s the sad truth. In your entire life you will lose people. I guarantee that. No i don’t mind lose, as in they have to die always. No i am not writing this dramatic movie script. Although death can happen too. But i mean people leaving your life.
There are different seasons in life. And within seasons there’s also different people in your life. People who step into your life. At first you wonder hmm, what is this person about. You approach cautiously as you would be investigating a bug as a kid, and you wonder is it okay to touch. Maybe you are like me and you’ve been hurt before. Hurt from people walking OUT of your life. AFTER you’ve shared almost everything to them. Has happened to me so many times. So you approach new people with caution. Well sometimes. Anyway, you see if people are trustworthy, or if you like them, or what they do, or how you feel around them. And then it’s a matter of choice if you let them in your life or not. Often depends on how much they want to be there. So you made a friend. Soon you’ll be sharing secrets and hoping “oh please oh please don’t go telling anyone” in your head. And that’s a super awesome place to be. You have someone you can talk to. Share your struggles and victories to. Hang out with, be yourself with. But here’s the thing, at one point, and it may or may not happen with people in your life, they MAY walk OUT! Yup, that’s right. People do that. Shocking right? Well depends how old you are. I am currently 30 and have seen that so many times.
My first times people ditching me was when my family moved away from our childhood home. I tried staying in touch, but well the friends i had, didn’t make the effort, so it stopped. Hard cold truth. I tried. They didn’t bother that much. Sad story. I know. This is my version of it. Maybe they saw it differently, i don’t know. This is what i saw. This is what i had to live with. My life just lost besties. Now what? Okay, let’s see if we find new ones. So put that on repeat for until now. I made friends, or tried to. I opened up, trusted them. And they left. Walked out. Hard truth. Painful to see. Painful to trust people and see them not stick by you. I’ve never really known what it means to have people stick by me. I’ve never really understood what BFF is. What really friendship means. Because i don’t think it is that. To come and go as you please. So i’ve started to be more and more cautious sometimes of what i share. AND then. I chose to be honest. Brutally straight-forwardly honest. Because why hide my heart of how i feel. Ask me how am i and i am gonna ask you are you ready to hear what i have to say? No, it’s not gonna be nice always. But i promise you will get the truth. And quite a few people still walked away.
Then came time to move abroad for Bible college. And i see again how things have been well superficial. I hate saying that, because i don’t want to blame anyone of that. But move away and you see who really are your friends. Or who aren’t. You see who still wants to stay in touch. And who only writes you polite replies to your efforts of staying in touch. You see how you get messages regarding this country and how is life there, because some random person who you haven’t spoken to like forever might come to that country. I know this sounds resentful and hard, but really? Why do you write me only when you need me? Why don’t people google things? I mean, yeah whatever. I still answered them. But i am just sick of people using me. I am sad of losing people. But then again. What to do about it?
What i did, was stop holding on to people who didn’t want to hold on to me. If i see that people don’t write, don’t ask me how i am, don’t invest in me, when i am in deep troublesome times, then why would i take my time and energy to invest in them? To keep asking them how they are? I sometimes care way too much for people. But i believe that relationships should be two-sided. Not that only one person tries and tries to get in touch, to keep things alive, to keep caring and loving and supporting. But not receiving anything back, but some polite answers, but no real connection.
So it’s a sad post a little. BUT i have good news. No matter how many people you “lose” in your life. No matter who comes and goes in your life, being a christian, has a HUGE benefit. God will forever and always be there. And along the way of losing people, you might find some treasures. You might find people who actually show that they care for you. Who come see you when you are sick, not just send you a message “get better”. People who pray with you when you are running out of words to pray because you are so tired and broken. People who make you smile in the midst of your tears. And people who are solid. Yes, that’s a good word. Solid. People who will stick by you even if you are a teary snorting mess with mental illness and pile of tissues. People who are okay that your room is messy or that you just might be addicted to chocolate (and they’ll bring you chocolate, even when in some ways it doesn’t help). Along the way you will find those treasures, those diamonds in the midst of dust. Those treasures in the midst of junk to let go of. Not that i call people junk, but you know. So when you do. When you really see people who genuinely are there for you when you need them, not just when they need you, this is my advice - hold on! Invest in them. On those good days, say to them how important they are to you. Make them notes, or cards, or a cup of tea. Visit them when they are sick and pray for them when they need it. Support them. And talk for those long hours if you need to even when you need to get up early. Because people like that are worth staying up late. They are worth that investment.
Let go of what makes you sad. Let go of hurt and forgive. Cut those ties to people who wound you constantly. And invest in the diamonds that last.