Check your thoughts

I am sitting in our new/old home, i am happy! I really am! And why? For so many reasons to call myself blessed. But more on that later.

For now, i want you to think about something. If you are female, you can more than likely relate to the body-image struggles. You see EVERYWHERE skinny people. You might think that you are fat, disgusting, wobbly, could loose some weight, not fit, need to exercise and/or diet. And all those other thoughts that go through your head. You might feel that when someone gives you feedback, that you aren’t good enough. That’s what you think, that’s not what they said or even meant. Or you see rainy weather and immediately are gloomy and sad. The way our mind/thoughts works is mystery, but good news is, that we can work on it and change the way we think.
I honestly admit that my brain has been negative majority of my life. I don’t mean to be. It just happens. Sounds like i don’t have control over it. But it’s not. I just haven’t paid attention to it, until it started ruining my life, relationships, causing mental illnesses and such.
Majority of your thoughts are prone to be negative. WHY? WHAT? You might think. Well my psychologists said (oh and yes i am seeing one, because it’s helpful and it’s nothing to be ashamed of :) ) that humans regardless of language, without communication can identify 6 different emotions.
Happy, sad, angry, disgust, fear, surprise. Only one of them sounds good - happy. Or joy. So you see, most of the stuff is already negative. And that makes your thoughts mostly negative. If you start recognizing what your thoughts are, you can see how they are negative. How we are critical of ourselves, how we look, feel, what we do or don’t. And i want to and i am going to stop that. I am not an expert. I am not positive-thinker and such. But i am a work in progress.
I was taught today not to say that i need to fix myself. Because that is yet again negative. Fixing means that i think there’s something wrong with me. But i need to think that i am okay, i just need adjusting my thoughts. Or learning new thoughts.

What is helpful to me is sometimes sharing my feelings, and then another person (currently mostly my dear husband) shares what really is true and how they see it. Acknowledging that my thoughts lie to me at times, i want another person to confirm if i understood things right or did i just make up criticism.
Or writing down what you think, or feel, why do you think that is and all that. Journaling is the best!
Oh and then there’s compliments. As a woman, of course i struggle with my body-image, confidence and appearance. So much that even accepting compliments from my husband is hard. Not always, but at times. Instead of listening my head telling me that i need to loose weight, or that i am fat - saying to myself that you are soft, cuddly and very huggable. That you are strong regardless of what i look like. That you are unique. You are beautiful. And even when at times i don’t believe it, we must be kind to ourselves. We only get one life. One body. One mind.
I know i need to be kinder to myself. Give myself some acknowledgement of things i DO accomplish and do! Hey, you got out of bed! You had breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks! You hugged and kissed your husband and cuddled with him! You went outside today! You didn’t cry in public! You read a book today! You were in a loud environment and didn’t panic!
Pat yourself on the back, you are enough!

Another tip from overachieving and unsuccessful woman. Do not think BIG goals. Think small goals. Yes i want to finish that book, but there’s no rush. There’s no deadline. So set a small but ACHIEVABLE goal. Say, 5 pages a day, or a chapter if you like. It’s not about how much you exercise, but for example set a goal to get outside each day. No matter if you walk just down the driveway, to the corner of your street or 5 kilometers. You did get outside and you need to be acknowledging that!

When i get an email that i think is negative, i mark it unread. And put it aside. I will refuse to even think about it. Until I am ready. ME! When i feel good about myself, feel happy and wonderful. THEN i will answer. Because i can. Nobody will force me to answer nasty or critical or insulting emails when they arrive. No, i don’t get them often, but as many as there are different people, that many is different opinions on how you should live your life.

So remember, think about what you are thinking about. Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge what you DO achieve and do and feel. Cherish good stuff in your days.

Time for some good news!

We have news. Quite a few that i don’t think EVERYBODY knows yet.
First of all we moved. Due to finances and wanting to be debt free at one point, we moved to my in-laws house. We have our own space and it’s wonderfully kind of them to allow us to be here. We have already paid off and cancelled and cut apart our credit card. But still quite a big sum of money to pay off in other places. Maybe a year, maybe more, but for now, we are staying here.

THEN we went to New Zealand for a trip vol2. We went before, but they didn’t get my email and so on. Anyway, NOW my visa is granted!!! I have a permanent 2 year partner visa and we don’t have to do anything else!!! Celebrate with me on how GOOD God is! We have prayed and waited for quite some time!

This visa lets me work and travel without any restrictions. And within the next two years they will make a decision if i can stay forever. And we don’t have to pay more, do more applications or leave the country for approval. :) Halleluujah! I praise God for answering so many prayers!!!

And that’s about it for now.
I know i don’t write quite as much as i used to in the beginning, BUT!!! If you feel you want to know more, come find me on facebook, pop me a message. Send me an email, or even a physical paper letter or card if you’d like (just ask for address). :) I’d love to hear how people are doing, but forget to actually ask. So nudge nudge me and we’ll take it from there!

Until next time,
Mirjam